This past Sunday, our Pastor said something that really made me think twice. It was this:
"When you and your spouse fight, you don't get hysterical; you tend to get historical."
Sometimes for me it's both, but the majority of the time I do get historical. Things that happened weeks, months, and sometimes even years ago are re-hashed.
Humor me and imagine a fight between you and your spouse. Imagine being on a large battlefield. You on one side with your armor intact, your helmet in place, and your weapon of choice ready. For me, it would be the Barrett M82 (but let's be serious, it's priced at a little over $8,000; that's not happening anytime soon) and I would probably have a samurai sword on me too. (I mean, come one. Everyone looks good carrying one of those. Just think of Michonne on The Walking Dead!) And my husband would be on the other side of the field with a souped up AR-15 and a couple handguns on his person. It would be an epic battle---imagine one where nobody dies---and I'm sure if I was mad enough at him; I would find the slightest bit of enjoyment out of his pain. I can just see myself sniping words of insult across that field at him and having him retaliate with bullets of anger. I may even get close enough to lash at him with my sword of hate. Or, if I'm provoked enough, I may even grab some rounds that are many years old. Because, although they are old; they still pack a heck of a punch.
This is a cartoonized idea of what really happens in the heat of an argument, but the idea is the same. We fight as if our lives depend on it and oftentimes we hold nothing back, digging as deep as years past. But in reality, it doesn't change things. It may make us feel better, but the feeling is temporary. I've done it so many times that I know. It's in my sinful nature to do so.
But there's always an alternative.
Grace.
Grace: God blessing us despite the fact that we do not deserve it. Extending kindness to the unworthy. It may not work the first time, or even the second time, but it will keep the argument from escalating and I guarantee you that it will eventually provoke a loving reaction from the other party. And most times it's not something your spouse will be expecting you to throw at them. It'll catch them off guard, which it's always great to have the element of surprise.
I mean come on, it's always easier fighting alongside your best friend than it is against them, right?
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God---not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
